Unrealistic Pessimism

Helping Twentysomethings Have Hope

Lots of people ask me what’s changed about twentysomethings in the twenty years I’ve been working with them. Not as much as you’d think, I say. Twentysomethings are still human. They want (and need) work, love, friends, family, health, and wealth. They’re happier when they have these things than when they don’t. And most 21st-century twentysomethings don’t have all of the pieces of their lives in place…yet.

That said, one shift I have seen over the years is how twentysomethings feel about the future or about getting work, love, friends, family, health, and wealth. It’s a shift from unrealistic optimism to unrealistic pessimism.

Back in the early 2000s, the “30 is the new 20” culture that inspired me to write The Defining Decade was one of unrealistic optimism. Many of the twentysomethings I worked with displayed an irrational sense of invulnerability. You know what I’m talking about: “Nothing bad will ever happen to me” and “I have plenty of time to get what I want” and “Everything will work out OK.” Much of my work was helping young adults think more rationally and more intentionally.

Twenty-five years into the new millennium, much of my work is still about helping young adults think more rationally and intentionally. Now, however, I’m countering unrealistic pessimism or an irrational sense of doom and gloom: “Nothing good will ever happen to me” and “I don’t have time to get what I want” and “Nothing is going to be OK.” Thanks to the 24-hour news cycle and devices in our pockets, twentysomethings are overwhelmed by bad news about jobs, housing, fertility, marriage, the economy, and more.

Hope for the future is one of the best predictors of health and happiness in young adulthood. So, here’s how I respond to twentysomethings who are ready to give up on their lives due to catastrophic clickbait: