The Redefining Decade

On Middle Age and The Empty Nest

Not long ago, the mom of two twentysomethings told me this: “You should write a version of The Defining Decade for people in middle age. It could be called The Redefining Decade.”

She went on to say that although she’d read the book to understand her twentysomethings’ lives, she’d also found a lot of useful advice for her own. “I’ve been lying awake at night thinking about it. This really is the book I needed right now.”

I love hearing reactions like this–and I’m happy to say that she’s not wrong.

The Defining Decade has always been a book about adult development. It’s about how to be intentional about work and love and life–at any age. I wrote the book for twentysomethings because I wanted people to get that information as early as possible–and because, as a group, young adults grapple with urgency and agency the most.

That said, there is very little in The Defining Decade that doesn’t still apply to life in one’s thirties and beyond. In fact, I’d say that the age most like the twenties is middle age and especially those first empty nest years.

As you move from parenting your twentysomething to partnering with them, a good way to shake off the parent-child dynamic is to join with them in being in a new and different phase of life.

Here are ten ways “the redefining decade” and “the defining decade” are alike: